The man behind the mayhem

It's been two days since my chance meeting with boozehound hit-and-runner Kory Snider, when what should drop into my lap today but his screename! He said so little at our initial meeting, of course now I know that was only because he was looking for an escape route. When we met again he was being cuffed and stuffed into the squad car, so there was really no opportunity for us to get to know one another. Curious, I poked around his profile to see if I could get a sense of just who Kory is.

I know what you're thinking, but no, this isn't Sunday night. Officer Santana was a handsome guy too, but this isn't him.

Kory describes himself as an "all around person who'll settle for nothing but experiencing life to the fullest." Trust me Kory, this is not going to get you a date. I know it sounded exciting when you wrote it, but it says nothing. Also, a photo in front of Olive Garden doesn't exactly scream "adventurer!" Mostly it says you enjoy breadsticks.

Having your photo taken with the singing cowboy while holding an I Heart NY bag? Meh. What's the cultural capitol of the world compared to a man in his underwear.

I read further, and he goes on to say "I enjoy meeting new people and learning new things because there is something new to learn everyday and alot of times the people you meet are the ones that teach these things to you." I'd like to teach you some things Kory, starting with grammar and punctuation, and ending with the dangers of mangled metaphors. If we have time I can also cover how to gracefully refuse a drink, or ask the doorman to call you a cab.

Look, my favorite photo of all!

Kory mentions that "I have just made a huge lifestyle change for the better and I am working towards doing all of those things that I have always dreamed of doing, but have never been able to do so." I'm not convinced, but hey, reach for the stars. I suppose if you've had to work up to property damage and fleeing the scene of an accident I should cheer the progress.

Finally, he ends by saying "I firmly believe you need to grab life by the balls before it takes off on you." I say keep reaching for those balls Kory, because I think life's getting ready to grab you right back. And I'm hoping its by the ankles.


hello gorgeous said...

Oh, snap.

David said...

Post about pretty things coming soon, I promise. I had a good day at an auction Sunday morning/afternoon!

Anonymous said...

If you're going to teach him about punctuation, you should have written:

"it's by the ankles"

("its" with an apostrophe)