An open letter to the woman who's car I injured

What's the use of having a blog if you can't name names, right? I had a little accident on my lunch hour today. So with an enormous sense of indignation and a big gin-and-tonic sweating away next to my laptop, I'm ready to tell Joyce Omer what's on my mind:

Dear Joyce,

I still don't quite know how it happened. I haven't been at fault in an accident since I was 16 (25 years ago!), and I'm generally very good at parallel parking, but it was absolutely my fault. I was too close to your car and turned too soon, yanking the front bumper halfway off your BMW.

I completely understand why you'd be upset, I would be as well, but there are a few things you should know. That Land Rover I was driving? Got it in March, used. Prior to that I was driving a 1999 Blazer with no heat or A/C, an acceleration problem, and a door that often refused to close. So when we were assessing the damage and I mumbled "my car seems to be ok" it really wasn't meant for you. It was, I believe, my mind trying to assure me that I hadn't just fucked up the nicest thing I've ever owned. I didn't expect you to say "oh good." I didn't expect you to say anything really. And that's why when you said "I don't care about your car" I was really caught off guard.

Because of the way I was raised, the next thing I did was apologize. It's what one does when they've damaged someone else's property. Your reply was "I've been hit three times in this car, I'll accept your apology but don't expect me to be nice about it." I guess I didn't really expect you to be warm, but I didn't expect you to be so hateful either. They call them "accidents" for a reason. It's a terrible shame that your pretty little convertable has been hit so many times, but frankly I'm not responsible for the first two and I would think someone of your age (around my mother's age I'm guessing) would understand that.

After apolgizing, we went into the Barkery where I asked them to photocopy my insurance card. I took the paper and I wrote my name, my home address, and my cell phone number. I let you copy down my drivers license information so you could be sure I was being honest. You then threw your business card at me. Again, I'm not expecting you to be grateful, but I didn't have to do any of this. I could have let you do all the writing. (By the way, when I went back into the Barkery to buy the poop bags I forgot, the staff was appalled by the way you acted. If you need something dog related I suggest you try Petco for a while.)

Back outside, I hope you noticed that I stuck around while you checked with the police, again, something I wasn't required to do. When you drove around the block to "see if your car was driveable," I stayed. And when you then decided your car wasn't driveable (and your bumper wasn't dragging, even though you said it was) I stayed while you called the police back, even though I called my boyfriend (a lawyer) who assured me I was free to go.

And finally, when you said you needed my license plate number, do you remember what I did? I went to my car, took out an index card, and wrote my plate number down for you. The way you grabbed it and shoved it in your purse without looking at me was especially nice. In hindsight, given your performance what I should have done was say "then you should write it down before I drive away." But I didn't do that. I wrote it down for you, because I'm a decent man, and I damaged your car, and that's what a decent man does.

I guess that decency is what this entire letter is about. I damaged your car, and I tried to do what was decent and right. You, conversely, decided to be the biggest bitch you could possibly be. I can't think of anything you could have done to be more successful in that endeavor. Well done Madam.

I phoned my insurance company the moment I got back to my office, and they've assured me that you'll be made whole. To be honest, I told them that you were spectacularly mean and that I'd appreciate anything they could do to make the process more painful for you. The claims rep laughed, but I work in commercial insurance and know how this goes, so I'm sure everything will be handled as efficiently as possible and you'll be back on the road in record time.

One last time, let me just say how sorry I am that I crunched your car. But more than that, let me say how sorry I am that you care more for your 325 than you do for showing basic decency to another human being. I drive an expensive car too, and indeed my blog is generally dedicated to the discussion of "things." But in the end, things fail us, and beings are all we truly have. I would have hoped that at this point in your life you'd know that. In that respect I guess that today was more of a tragedy than I originally thought.

Sincerely,
David