Put the Bedazzler down. Now.

What the hell is going on with mens figure skating? I can appreciate the talent and drive and athleticism required to skate at the olympic level. But the drama, and the commentators, and worst of all, the costumes. Enough with the ridiculous outfits already.

Johnny Weir, I'm talking to you. You certainly didn't start it, but you're a big part of the problem. First you arrive at the venue carrying the same purse favored by half the women in my office. (Don't you say man bag to me, I know what I saw. I'm betting it was Gucci or Jimmy Choo.) Then someone in the audience throws you a heart-shaped pillow that just happens to match what you're wearing, down to the pink straps and a tassel. Good God man, it's too much, even for a big mo like me.

And you, Kevin van der Perren, sequined skeleton? WTF?

Samuel Contesti, I'm giving you props for changing it up with some country music, but faux-dirty bibs? You're Italian, we expect better. Fail.

Evan Lysacek, you rocked the rink, and since you were skating to The Firebird I'll forgive you the feathers on your gloves, but those shoulder things are awful, as were the little see-thru panels on your back. The commentators went into great detail about how hard you train, its time you require a similar effort from your costumer.

You, Patrick Chan, get big points from me for this. It's a performance, I know, so I'm expecting some sequins. But you reined them in and it totally works. You looked great, classic even, and we could watch what you were doing without being distracted by what you had on. If this is how you present yourself at 19, I can't wait to see you at 23 or 27.

And finally, you're my favorite Takahiko Kozuka. Your outfit wasn't so far from the distressed jeans and party shirt you'd see on any guy out at a club. But in figure skating, that's innovative. No flesh colored panels or sailor suits. No gimmicks. Just something like normal clothing, but amp'd up just a bit, and built for skating. You could kick your skates off, put some boots on, and head out into the night. You wouldn't look "costumed," you'd just look good.


Karena said...

David you are right on target...Vera Wang designed Evans, and I do like the black feathers (she wanted to do silver). Contesti and Van der Perren's just the worst, and Weir, pleeeease!!

lobean said...

But what about Dick Button's gigantic shoes??? Please don't let me be the only person who could not get over those!

Decorina said...

Not a fan myself...I was looking for your email addy. Also your most recent post - I wanted to read it but it has disappeared.

Wanted you to know - I rented Almost Famous and there was your cousin, Eric, as the desk clerk at the hotel. What is up with him? Does he never age? I love Modern Family more every time I watch it. Not so much a fan of the daughter and her dense husband, but the gay men and the old guy with trophy wife crack me up.

David said...

Hey D! My email is buzzcut67@aol.com. The deleted post was just a silly photo that I thought was funny at the time and then later thought "meh."

The thing that has been so cool about Eric's success in Modern Family is that he's been a working actor for over a decade. And its always been just those sorts of little parts like he had in Almost Famous.

If you search for his name on IMDB.com it will list all his work, you'll be amazed at how many things you've probably seen that he was in.

Decorina said...

I do think he is a wonderful actor. And, like so many others, they work for years and years before they are suddenly "discovered". I wish him the best success possible. I'm going to check out that web site - I want to see more of him.

Kwana said...

Love this post and you've won an award on my blog today. I'm a fan.

Reggie Darling said...

Figure skaiting costumes are usually gawdawful, with most of the girls in the my-favorite-pony-crossed-with-cindarella school, and the boys, well, not far behind. Too many sequins and feathers, girls (a term I use loosely here).

I prefer the Nancy Kerrigan/Vera Wang look for the ladies, and if the boys must dress up, then the Brian Boittano (sp?) Regency military officer's uniform look for men. End of day, though, I really prefer something on men inspired by a more discrete and retro look, right out of what was worn by skaters at the Olympics in the early 1960s/late 1950s, before everything went to Bob Mackie-inspired hell on ice!

hello gorgeous said...

Oh, I love Johnny Weir. He is just a flaming example of figure skating. Let him be.

But can we talk about how he is the only one to have skated without falling or faltering in the long program and was not appropriately rewarded for it? I think he was gyped.

David said...

That's just the thing HG. I'm all for being true to ones self, and fundamentally I completely support his right to tassel up and throw down.

But, the judges hate that. They'd never admit it, but they factor it in to his scores. That throws him into a "do you want to be right or do you want to be scored properly" situation. If he's there for the skating the score should be the goal.

Its all moot now anyway, he said in an interview he's going to retire from skating and go to fashion school.

soodie :: said...

god thank you for the chuckle this morning. i was laughing so hard at your post that coffee came out of my nose.